Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Times are tough.

I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday. The morning was good - when i wrote the last post.  Then i did some homework, and then the day was shot.  I have been experiencing symptoms of adrenal fatigue, when your adrenal glands get "tired" (google it) for a while now.  But yesterday I just couldnt handle it any more.  I had the day "off" to work on the material for my oral exam at nutrition school and well, i broke down.  I had a horrible day. The tears flowed and wouldnt stop.  I didnt have the energy do to anything. I cant describe the feeling of hopelessly being overwhelmed by the simplest of things. My poor body.  As i alluded to I have been dealing with serious health issues over the past 10 months.  Essentially, i am allergic to everything. But food is my life. Oh the irony.  I am still obsessive with food for sure, and it is now my career, passion, and more.  Of course when i finally decide to give food back to my body my body fights back and I cant have it any more.  I've only been able to eat rice, bananas, peanut butter/nuts, avocado, and yams for 10 months.  I have eaten other foods, but i am in constant pain.  not to mention i am always bloated, fatigued, headaches, leg swelling and the list goes one.  im not saying this for pity, I'm saying it to make the point of how my body has retaliated.  It all began shortly after an extremely stressful week helping to open a business i consulted for.  I wasnt prepared for the stress, and that was the final straw for my body.  My immune system is extremely low and weak, so that it cant even muster up the energy to fight infection.  I dont get sick easily - i just dont get sick, My body cant handle it.  The body is an amazing things, and it obviously isnt happy with me.  And now after 10 months of negative tests and being told im frustrating by MD and ND;s alike my adrenal glands are shot. how am i suppose to run a business when i cant get up in the morning?  I am a go-go-go kind of person.  perfectionist to a point and also the one that strives to be the best.  I just dont have an off switch.  Which i am dearly paying for.  

Anyways, today was better.  And by better I mean by business partner let me take the day to myself (we are doing a big event Saturday - so yesterday should have been a 12 hour or more day).  I slept almost all day. And now im writing to you.  I'll start another post to continue the story. 

Dear Body,
Please don't hate me for what I did to you.  I know my mind can no longer control my body.  I look forward to the day where we can live and thrive together.  Please make that soon.

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