progress?

It feels like forever since I've posted.  So much has happend.

I told Derrick, which i believe I've said already. And I told Dr. Keith, my ND. Oh god. So scary. So, so scary.  I got emotional when i was about to say it and took my time.  But in the end, I said it.  He asked me a few questions and it felt sooo good to talk about it.  But I really believe that it was the right time for me to say it, and it wasnt forced which was important.  I think that i was meant to experience all of this in this order, with this timing.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

I went "home" to Saskatoon for Easter weekend because it fell near my grandpas 70th Birthday.  So the whole family came back into down.  It was great to see everyone, but so stressful with family.  Everyone was saying how good i looked.  It was so freaking hard to take.  I felt like screamy "BUT I FEEL LIKE SHIT"  Yes, my health issues have not resolved.  But they will with my admission of not being "well."  soon, hopefully.
It is crazy because i "look better" but i feel sick, always.  When i was skinny i felt good - or at least that was my perception of how i was.  Now i dont feel well.  

I have been dealing a lot with depression.  im sitting in a cafe right now which is kind of a funny place to be typing this, but things are what they are.  Its hard because both derrick and i are dealign with it.  I dont want to get into our relationship here.

I think i look good from the front, with clothes on, only on my top half. hahah. oh god. I just had this play through my head before leaving for this cafe.  I am still getting crazy cravings and am not satiable.  But that will pass. i hope.  i want to lose weight, a healthy amount. I may even buy a scale.

but the time for this is over.  it feels good to talk about it, which i need to do more.  maybe a convo with derrick in the future.  i feel like the time to tell sera will be soon.

Soon. 

on the road to forgiveness.