Spoken

Sorry I got cut off last time.  Derrick, my hun, got home.  He saw the tab as he doesnt customarily go on this computer. 

I told him.

I said it.  I still kind of cant believe that I did.  I feel better about it.  But now my feelings are even more pent up - because i know i can talk.  I think i want to talk about it with him.  Tell him my story.  At the same time I dont know if that puts him in a weird place or not.  I guess I should just ask.  Last night he wasnt in a talkative mood.  hopefully tonight he will be.

I hate my body.

I dont know if saying it (or typing) makes it better or worse. I have a lot of healing to go here -and im not sure if my body will heal only when i do. The thought scares me because its going to take some time.  I am so fat.. well not fat, but yes, slightly over weight.

The funny thing, I still have the same body image i did when i weighed 128 pounds.  And now Im probably 185. Ik.  I am sex feet tall...so i am technically in a "normal range" still - but at the top of it.  Ik. anyway enough about that.

its time to do some work.

I played basketball for the first time in three years today.  I have so much emotion tied up with basketball - but my soul needed it today. And i wasnt as bad as i thought i would be. Ha.

Off for now,

C