Sorry I got cut off last time. Derrick, my hun, got home. He saw the tab as he doesnt customarily go on this computer.
I told him.
I said it. I still kind of cant believe that I did. I feel better about it. But now my feelings are even more pent up - because i know i can talk. I think i want to talk about it with him. Tell him my story. At the same time I dont know if that puts him in a weird place or not. I guess I should just ask. Last night he wasnt in a talkative mood. hopefully tonight he will be.
I hate my body.
I dont know if saying it (or typing) makes it better or worse. I have a lot of healing to go here -and im not sure if my body will heal only when i do. The thought scares me because its going to take some time. I am so fat.. well not fat, but yes, slightly over weight.
The funny thing, I still have the same body image i did when i weighed 128 pounds. And now Im probably 185. Ik. I am sex feet tall...so i am technically in a "normal range" still - but at the top of it. Ik. anyway enough about that.
its time to do some work.
I played basketball for the first time in three years today. I have so much emotion tied up with basketball - but my soul needed it today. And i wasnt as bad as i thought i would be. Ha.
Off for now,